Very Little Law Enforcement Humor - from a Rabbit Rancher

Did you hear about the midget fortune-teller who escaped from a County Jail? The Sheriff and his Deputies have her officially listed as a small medium at large.

Are Rabbits Left Pawed or Right Pawed?

Many long time friends of Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch know we get all sorts of questions each week from people around the world. Last week was no exception.  A young girl from Abilene, Kansas, a High School sophomore named Melissa, wrote seeking help with a term paper she is writing on Animal Husbandry.   Her question was:  ‘are rabbits right pawed or left pawed’.  I thought it was a good question so I will share our reply back to her.  

Science tells us that 10 - 12 % of the human population is left handed and that that percentage has remained constant the past 300,000 years.  We are told 30,000,000 people in the U.S. are left handed and that woman are more likely to be righted than left. 

Up until the mid 1950’s scientists claimed that “handedness” was only a human trait that did not apply to lower forms of animals.  Today we know this is wrong.  Animals of all species display traits of “handedness” whether they are Cats, Dogs, Cows, Horses or even Goldfishes.  “Handedness” is a universal phenomenon in all living creatures.

To help you think about ‘Handedness’ here’s a question for all NASCAR enthusiasts.  Which way to NASCAR vehicles race around a track?  Clockwise or Counter Clock wise?. For those of you who don’t understand the difference – clockwise races are designed to favor right-handers drivers while counter clockwise races favor left hander drivers.

Try this. Think about baseball.  Do ball players run the bases clockwise or counter cock wise?  When a player runs from first to second base and then to third and finally home is he running clockwise or counter clockwise?  If you said counter clockwise you are correct. Ball players run a left hander lap just as NASCAR drivers drive counter clockwise.

What about thorough breed horse racing - either saddled or buggied?  Do the horses run clockwise or counter clockwise. The answer = “left-handed” laps.  There’s no real plausible explanation for this however since the vast majority of professional athletes (human and horses) normally lead with their dominant hand or foot going left makes them have to excel harder in order to win. 

My understanding of rabbit ‘handedness’ has been acquired over the 14 years I have been raising rabbits commercially. Even though experts say 10 - 12 percent of the human population exhibits left handedness our personal observations here at the ranch reveals almost 30% of any given rabbit population is left pawed. We know this from three things.  First, by the way rabbits initiate their leaps and hops.  Left pawed rabbits push off with their left paws whereas right pawed rabbits kick off with their right paws.

Second, when rabbits position food a left pawed rabbit will use the left front paw more than a right pawed rabbit will.  Finally, when a rabbit gnaws on food like a carrot - left pawed rabbits gnaw from their left side while right pawed rabbits begin gnawing from the right side.

Since we keep accurate records on our breeding cycles we know that older does tend to give birth to more left pawed kits then younger does.  We also know that left pawed rabbits are more aggressive and appear more intelligent.  How do we know this?  Left pawed rabbits are generally the first ones to come out during feeding times and they push and buck to defend their position in the feeding line.

Studies conducted by the AMA suggest left handed males have higher levels of testosterone and mature later sexually than right hander’s - which we agree.  Left pawed bucks are always more prolific during our scheduled breeding sessions; unfortunately the downside from a Rabbit Ranchers perspective is since left pawed bucks sexually mature later we get less quality breeding time out of them.

Finally and this is an easy test for you to perform on your own.  The next time you see a rabbit in your yard or in a field take a moment to study it.  Left pawed rabbits tend to look to their left about 70% more often than their right pawed counterparts.  Right pawed rabbits favor looking to their right side seldom to their left.

Hope this all makes sense and gives you a better appreciation for rabbits.  Your friend Ralph

Annual Labor Day Race - the best event of the year.

This Saturday - September 3rd, 2016 - we will be hosting our 12th Annual tortoise vs. the hare race.  As usual we will be substituting a turtle for the tortoise and a rabbit for the hare. Its amazing how each year this race gets more exciting.

Hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend. 

Ralph & Gabe     

The Japanese Banker and Erotic Intercourse

A respected banker from southern Japan is arguing with his wife about he wants her to perform highly erotic sex.

The man: "Sukitaki. mojitaka!"

Wife replies: "Kowanini! mowi janakpa!"

The man now angry says: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"

Wife literally on her knees begging: "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!"

The man shouting: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!"

I can't believe you just sat there trying to read this – you don’t know Japanese.  Boy some people will read anything as long as it is about sex or politics.

Interesting Pun Humor - but only for the educated

A County Deputy cited a dog for giving birth to puppies near County Hwy 12 for littering.

Interesting Animal Triva

In 1957 little was known regarding the impact of space travel on a living creature.  Therefore as part of its space exploration testing program the Russians - the formerly known as the USSR sent the first animal up into space.

No it wasn't a rabbit as many had thought instead it was a dog.  A stray dog that was found on the streets of Moscow.  The dog was named Laika which in Russian means little barker.

Rabbits - Pesky Critters or Valuable Resources

Today, rabbits are entrenched throughout the United States primarily in the southern and central areas of our country, with scattered populations sometimes seen in our northern deserts.

Although the rabbit can be a notorious pest for some home owners - we must remember that rabbits proved useful to many American citizens especially during the depressions of the 1890's and the 1930's, as well as during periods of American conflicts such as the Civil War,  WWI and WWII. 

Trapping rabbits helped farmers and cattlemen by providing them something to eat as well as earn an extra income by selling their meat and fur.  In some cases selling rabbits became a way for many earlier farmers to help pay off their farming debts. 

Rabbits meat was fed to working dogs out in the great west and often boiled then diced only to be fed to poultry many farmers and ranchers had. 

Later, with the introduction of refrigeration frozen rabbit carcases were exported and traded internationally. Rabbit pelts were used for years in the fur trade and are still used as a primary source of material in the felt hat industry. 

Kids and Animals - Sometimes its funny

Clancy brought a magazine into work today which had this really neat article.  It highlighted how kids understand and describe animals that they find under the sea. 

Below are is a brief summary of some of their thoughts.  Hope you enjoy - I found it amusing.

       1. An Octopus is an animal that lives under
           the sea and has eight testicles.

     2.  Sharks are ugly and mean and have big
          teeth just like Emily Harris

     3.Some animals in the sea are dangers. 
        Electric eels give shocks and they live in
        underwater caves where they plug
        themselves in to recharge. 

       4.  Dolphins are mammals that breath
            through a special ass hole on the top of
            their head.

           5.  Oyster have little balls and they are called
            'pearls' 

Good Costume Idea or Bad?

Please share your thoughts.  Is this a good rabbit costume or a bad idea? Halloween is almost here and we plan to take a few rabbits out Trick & Treating.

Thought This Was Worth Sharing

Win a Lucky Rabbits Foot

Here' is your chance to win a "Genuine" Ralph's Rabbit Ranch lucky Rabbit's foot.

Please take a moment to review the "Collective Comments" listed below by people who were likely to have said something about the gourmet rabbits sold on Ralph's Rabbit Ranch.

After reading the 'Likely Collective Comments' listed submit a comment you think is fitting for Ralph's Rabbit Ranch. If we can use your comments we will send you your very own genuine Ralph's Rabbit Ranch Lucking Rabbit foot. This prized objet d'art is believed, by many cultures and societies from around the world, to hold some mystical force that can keep one out of harms way and bring good fortune.

Judging of all likely comments received will take place on Monday, August 18th at 1pm here at Ralph's Rabbit Ranch in pristine Lugerville, Wisconsin. 

Up to 25 lucky Ralph's Rabbit feet will be awarded and mailed out to the winners. Authors of winning entries will be contacted via Face Book message to confirm an appropriate mailing address. All lucky rabbit's feet awarded will be mailed out via the US Postal Service utilizing 'First Class' mail service.

Sorry only one submission per person will be allowed.

Below are the rules for all likely comment submissions:

1) All submissions must be in English

2) Photo's and artwork will not be allowed

3) The use of profanity is not permitted and will automatically disqualify the entry

4) 'Likely comments' should reflect the statement or thoughts of likely well known public figures, celebrities or historical characters either real or animated. For example it could be conjectured that Tony the Tiger is likely to have said -" Ralph's Rabbits ... There Great" or Elmer Fudd could be conjectured to have said "Walphs Wabbits are Waskley Wabbits"

5) Points will be awarded for originality and creativity

6) Bonus points will be awarded for "Likely comments" postulated by federal lawmakers and foreign heads of state - China and North Korea excluded of course.

Reminder: Ralph's Rabbit Ranch along with its subsidiaries and affiliate holding interests reserves the right to share any entry submitted on Face Book or use in other print medias.

Good luck and we hope you win.

Ralph

Read the notice below:

Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch® 

… The Pride of Wisconsin Ranching

Featuring - Gabe’s Gourmet Rabbits®

Homegrown and free range - our barley and alfalfa fed, koshered gourmet rabbits are raised exclusively for discriminating diners with exquisite taste.

Collective comments 'likely shared' regarding Gabe’s Gourmet Rabbits®

Living in D.C. we’ve forgotten how great Wisconsin rabbit taste. Thanks Ralph for an incredible meal.
Tommy Thompson – former Governor of Wisconsin

The best part about shooting a film in Wisconsin was enjoying delicious burgers brought over daily from Ralph’s ranch.
Johnny Deep – Actor … While filming Public Enemies

You don’t have to be a Master Chef to prepare an elegant and gourmet meal for your family with Ralph’s rabbits.
Gordon Ramsey – 16 Star Michelin Chef

Ralph, your sautéed rabbit loins and red cabbage are definitely worthy of an Oscar! I give you two thumbs up.
Julie Roberts – Pretty Woman

If Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch were located in Chicago we would be larger than L.A. and New York City.
Richard M. Daley – former Mayor of Chicago

My visit to Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch was the best adventure I ever had. You guys are great!
Pee Wee Herman – Entertainer and Television Personality Extraordinaire

Seen animals from all over the world but am now convinced gourmet rabbits come only from Wisconsin north of the picket wire. .
Jack Hanna – Director of the Cincinnati Zoo & TV Personality

Gabe’s Gourmet Rabbits® Now shipped anywhere in the US or Europe next day air -fresh or frozen for your discreet dining pleasure.

A Little Ranch Humor

Most people don't know this and hey - that's okay.

What are the brims of cowboy hats turned up on the two sides?

So three cowboys can fit in a pickup truck.

Kung Pao or BBQ's Rabbit Which Do You Prefer?

In case you have never eaten Kung Pao - Kung Pao is a well known Chinese meal associated with the Szechuan style of Chinese cooking.   Kung Pao generally includes chicken, chilies (which gives it its full flavor) vegetables and peanuts; however, other common bases for Kung Pao are shrimp and pork.  

Recommendation - If you like Kung Pao chicken or pork or shrimp we are sure you will love Kung Pao rabbit we make it all the time at the ranch and everyone loves it.

Is This Why We Are So Forgetful?

Rabbit Trivia # 8

Rabbit meat is a heart -patient's friend. It contains less calorie value and sodium than all other meats - plus it is almost entirely cholesterol free.

If you are worried about your heart eat more rabbit meat.

We will be closing the Ranch and the gift shop at noon today, to the pubic, and not reopening until Jan 3rd, 2014 in honor of the holiday season. 

To all our friends, supporters and fans of the Ranch we want to wish you all a

Very Merry Christmas

and

a Happy New Year

 

 

Thoughts on Aminal Sex

You may have heard rabbits are promiscuous creatures. Well we can confirm that! Out here on the ranch we see a lot of promiscuity within the herd. In addition rabbits generally start to breed around four months of age and if weather conditions permit rabbits will breed all year round.

 

Now what you may not know - and this is amazing - rats are even more licentious then rabbits. Rats frequently have sex up to twenty times each day. 

 

 

And if that is not enough ... are you aware that male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of all mammals.

 

 

If you find this kind of trivia of interest let us know and we will post more interceding animal sex trivia.

Ralphs Rabbit Ranch Update - May 2013

Well it sure was a great weekend this past weekend. Though it was a little windy the temperature got up in the 50's by the afternoon. Tammy and Paul thought it would be a great day to let the rabbits out and start them on practicing some hurdle jumping.

Hard to believe but the North American Rabbit Jumping Competition is only 96 days away. This year it is in Baltimore and we would sure like to come back with some trophies along with all those fresh crabs and oysters we plan on bringing back.

I won't bore you with all the jumpers so I will just highlight a few I hope you will enjoy.
...
Here's Butch on the low jump.

For his age he sure has great form and Clancy thinks he is our best shot to win in Baltimore because he possesses both speed and agility.

 

Here is buster on the high jump.  We thought because of his size he would be a great high jumper.  He has a lot of heart; however Clancy doesn't think he has the natural talent to really be competitive.

 

 

Our Recent Student Visit

Yesterday we had a group of elementary school students visit the Ranch for a class field trip. All the students on the field trip were from a science class. After receiving an extensive tour of the ranch and having the opportunity to talk to several of the ranch hands Tammy brought the kids into the “The Big Hall” where she had milk and cookies waiting for them.

While the students were eating their snack, Victor, who thinks he is an expert on all science and political matters, thought he would conduct a pop quiz to keep the students busy. Below are the results of Victors quiz.  

 

 

VICTOR Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A STUDENT Premature death

VICTOR Can any of you name the four seasons rabbits live through?
A STUDENT Yes. Salt, pepper, mustard and garlic

VICTOR Do any of you know how dew is formed?
A STUDENT Yes! The sun shines down on the leaves of the trees and makes them perspire so all the rabbits can get some water - (Victor liked this answer.  Gave the Kid an A+)

VICTOR What causes tides in the oceans?
A STUDENT   Oh we just studied this. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. Water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on it and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget how the sun joins the fight but I know rabbits love water and wash their fur in it.  (This kid got an A+ as well)

VICTOR What are steroids?
A STUDENT Little things that keep carpets  from moving on  stairs

VICTOR What happens to a young boy who raises rabbits when he reaches puberty?
A STUDENT He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (Victor gave the kid a C-)

VICTOR   What happens to your body as you age?
A STUDENT When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

VICTOR What is artificial insemination?
A STUDENT Oh that's when you guys do it to the rabbits (Victor gave the kid a B)

VICTOR How can you delay milk from turning sour?
A STUDENT Keep it in the cow (Can't believe it Victor gave the kid a B-)

VICTOR How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
A STUDENT Well the body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity is what contains all the five bowels: A, E,I, O, U.                                              
VICTOR What does 'varicose' mean?
A STUDENT Nearby in Chinese I think   

VICTOR What is a terminal illness?
A STUDENT When you are sick at the airport.

VICTOR In a democratic society, how important are annual elections?
A STUDENT Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election