Weed eater Logic

Two middle aged guys, Joe and Jim are sitting at their favorite bar having a beer.

Joe turns to Jim and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through  life without nothing to look forward to - and its all because I don't have a decent education. I think tomorrow I am going over to that community college and sign up for some colleges classes."

Jim says "Well I thinks that's a good idea Joe". They finish their beers and leave.

The next day, Joe goes out to the community college on his lunch hour and talks to an Admissions Counselor.  After interviewing Joe the Counselor recommends Joe sign up for two upcoming classes he thinks might be fun for Joe. The Counselor recommends Joe take History and Logic.

"Logic?" Joe asks "What's the heck kind of course is that?"

The Admissions Counselor says, "Its a really fun course that teaches you how to think.  Let me give you an example.

Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yes I do" Joe replies.

"Well then logically speaking I can only presume since you own a weed eater you have a yard."

"That's true" Joe says  "I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," says the counselor. "Now because you have a yard, its only logical you have a house."  "Well yes, I do have a house" says Joe.

"See how this Logic works?"  the counselor says.

Now because you have a house its only logical you would have a family."

"Yes, I do have a family" says Joe.

"Since you have a family, then logically you must have a wife"  "Yes I do have a wife" says Joe.

"Now because you have a wife, then logic dictates that you must be a heterosexual male."

"That's true, I am a heterosexual" says Joe. 

"WOW! That's amazing you were able to find out all of that stuff about me all from just knowing I own a weed eater."

Joe is now really excited about taking this Logic class and shakes the Counselor's hand.  Joe can't wait for his classes to begin.

Later that evening Joe meets his good buddy Jim and their favorite bar and Jim asks "Well Joe, did you go out to the community college today and sign up for any classes?  "I sure did" Says Joe. 

"Well what did you sign up for" Jim asks.

"Two classes, History and Logic" Joe responds.

"Logic?" asks Jim, "What the heck is Logic about?"

"Well, let me give you a good an example" Joe says.

"Do you own a weed eater Jim?"

"Nope." said Jim.

"Well logic tells me you must be gay".

Very Little Law Enforcement Humor - from a Rabbit Rancher

Did you hear about the midget fortune-teller who escaped from a County Jail? The Sheriff and his Deputies have her officially listed as a small medium at large.

Animal Trivia # 6 Horses & Cows

While looking through an old vintage animal encyclopedia I came across some interesting comments that I will have to check out this summer.

It you know for sure that the following two comments are true will you let me know?

All horses rise from the ground on their front two legs first; however, all cows rise from the ground with their two hind legs first.

Our Recent Student Visit

Yesterday we had a group of elementary school students visit the Ranch for a class field trip. All the students on the field trip were from a science class. After receiving an extensive tour of the ranch and having the opportunity to talk to several of the ranch hands Tammy brought the kids into the “The Big Hall” where she had milk and cookies waiting for them.

While the students were eating their snack, Victor, who thinks he is an expert on all science and political matters, thought he would conduct a pop quiz to keep the students busy. Below are the results of Victors quiz.  

 

 

VICTOR Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A STUDENT Premature death

VICTOR Can any of you name the four seasons rabbits live through?
A STUDENT Yes. Salt, pepper, mustard and garlic

VICTOR Do any of you know how dew is formed?
A STUDENT Yes! The sun shines down on the leaves of the trees and makes them perspire so all the rabbits can get some water - (Victor liked this answer.  Gave the Kid an A+)

VICTOR What causes tides in the oceans?
A STUDENT   Oh we just studied this. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. Water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on it and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget how the sun joins the fight but I know rabbits love water and wash their fur in it.  (This kid got an A+ as well)

VICTOR What are steroids?
A STUDENT Little things that keep carpets  from moving on  stairs

VICTOR What happens to a young boy who raises rabbits when he reaches puberty?
A STUDENT He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (Victor gave the kid a C-)

VICTOR   What happens to your body as you age?
A STUDENT When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

VICTOR What is artificial insemination?
A STUDENT Oh that's when you guys do it to the rabbits (Victor gave the kid a B)

VICTOR How can you delay milk from turning sour?
A STUDENT Keep it in the cow (Can't believe it Victor gave the kid a B-)

VICTOR How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
A STUDENT Well the body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity is what contains all the five bowels: A, E,I, O, U.                                              
VICTOR What does 'varicose' mean?
A STUDENT Nearby in Chinese I think   

VICTOR What is a terminal illness?
A STUDENT When you are sick at the airport.

VICTOR In a democratic society, how important are annual elections?
A STUDENT Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election 
 

Rabbits - Coctails & Taxes. Something to think about

In a small rural community ten boys graduated from High School and went to work at a local rabbit ranch. As luck would have it each boy qualified for a different job. Their jobs ranged from Rabbit Feeders to Sales & Marketing and each boy was paid a different wage rate.  

The years flew bye yet their friendship and loyalty to the rabbit ranch remained strong. When the boys turned 21 they began to meet at a local bar for cocktails on Thursday nights. After leaving the ranch they’d sip their drips, talk about the old HS football team, how their families were doing and how their work was going at the rabbit ranch. When the night came to an end their bar tab was generally $100.

They all knew there was a significant difference in their pay so they came up with a plan they thought would be best for all to pay their bar tab. The first four boys (the lowest paid of the ten) were allowed to pay nothing. The fifth boy was asked to pay $1.00 while the sixth boy was asked to contribute $3. The seventh agreed to lay down $7 and the eighth boy tossed in $12. The ninth gladly kicked in $18 and the tenth boy (the one with the highest paying job) coughed up the remaining $59.

They used this arrangement every Thursday until one week when the bar owner threw the boys a curve. He walked over to their table and handed them the bill and he said: “You boys are such wonderful customers; you have been coming here for over two years every Thursday having a good time. I am going to reduce your bar tab by $20. From now on when you boys come in on Thursday’s you will only have to pay $80 not the regular $100.00.

The boys were delighted with the owners new offer and they quickly agreed to still continue to use a sliding scale to pay their new bar tab. As before the better paid friends agreed to put in a bigger share to pay the tab; however they were not sure how to divide up the $20 reduction?  

They still felt the first four should not have to pay anything; but if they divided the $20 savings offered by the owner by six that would mean a $3.33 savings per boy.  If they subtracted $3.33 from each of their current shares, the fifth and sixth boy would both wind up receiving money for their night of drinking and that just didn’t seem right.  

Seeing the dilemma the boys were in the bar owner suggested perhaps they should use the same system Washington DC uses to compute income taxes. The boys thought about it and agreed to give it a try; they let the bar owner calculate their new reduced shares based on the federal income tax system.

Under the new reduced pay system the fifth boy like the first four, would pay nothing (a 100% savings). The sixth boy would now only have to pay $2 instead of $3 (a 33% saving). The seventh boy would now pay only $5 instead of $7 (a 28% saving) and the eighth boy would now be required to pay $9 instead of $12 (a 25% saving). Finally, the ninth boy would be required to contribute $14 instead of $18 (a 22% saving) and the tenth boy – the highest paid boy at the ranch - would only pay $49 instead of $59 (a 16% saving).

Proud of his comprise solution, the bar owner was certain the boys were all better off now than before.  

Using the new system the boys paid their $80.00 bar tab then left the bar. Once outside they began to re-think the new pay plan. “I only got one dollar out of the $20 savings,” declared the sixth boy!” and then he pointed to the tenth boy and said” but he got a $10 savings!” 

“That’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved one dollar too and it isn’t fair that he gets ten times more of a benefit than me!” “That’s true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back, when I only got $2? I guess my Dad was right, the wealthiest always get all the breaks!”

Just then the first four boys who paid nothing stepped forward and said “what the heck are you guys complaining about? Look at us; we didn’t get any savings at all from the $20.00 reduction. This new system sucks - we are the ones who are being exploited!”

The nine boys were now all so worked up and irate with the new system that they surrounded the tenth boy and beat him up and left him bleeding in the street as they walked home. The next week, after leaving work at the rabbit ranch ,the nine boys met at the bar for their weekly night out; however the tenth boy never did show up.  The nine boys who went out still had their drinks and conversations without him.

Just like always towards the end of the night the bar owner came over to their table and handed them the bar tab. The nine boys quickly realized that they did not have enough money between them to cover even half the bill.

And that, boys and girls is the problem we will face every time someone comes up with an idea to make our federal income tax system fairer. Some people will always be unhappy with the changes. Regardless of who proposes reductions the wealthy will always be the ones to receive the greatest reduction.

So the next time someone suggests we tax the wealthier workers at the rabbit ranch more just because they have better paying jobs keep in mind they might not show up on Thursday night anymore. In fact, they might just start going to a bar overseas on Thursdays where there is a friendlier atmosphere and they believe they are treated better.

Rabbit Fact # 3

Rabbits are generally most active at dawn and dusk.

Rabbit Fact # 2

Did you know that a 4 lb rabbit will drink as much water as a 20 lb dog in one day?

Anybody Have Any Jackalope Stories They Want to Share?

We are looking for Jackalope stories from our readers.

If you have any stories or interesting facts about the Jackalope you want to share please let us know.

Either post a comment or email us at

ralphsrabbitranch@gmail.com