Weed eater Logic

Two middle aged guys, Joe and Jim are sitting at their favorite bar having a beer.

Joe turns to Jim and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through  life without nothing to look forward to - and its all because I don't have a decent education. I think tomorrow I am going over to that community college and sign up for some colleges classes."

Jim says "Well I thinks that's a good idea Joe". They finish their beers and leave.

The next day, Joe goes out to the community college on his lunch hour and talks to an Admissions Counselor.  After interviewing Joe the Counselor recommends Joe sign up for two upcoming classes he thinks might be fun for Joe. The Counselor recommends Joe take History and Logic.

"Logic?" Joe asks "What's the heck kind of course is that?"

The Admissions Counselor says, "Its a really fun course that teaches you how to think.  Let me give you an example.

Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yes I do" Joe replies.

"Well then logically speaking I can only presume since you own a weed eater you have a yard."

"That's true" Joe says  "I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," says the counselor. "Now because you have a yard, its only logical you have a house."  "Well yes, I do have a house" says Joe.

"See how this Logic works?"  the counselor says.

Now because you have a house its only logical you would have a family."

"Yes, I do have a family" says Joe.

"Since you have a family, then logically you must have a wife"  "Yes I do have a wife" says Joe.

"Now because you have a wife, then logic dictates that you must be a heterosexual male."

"That's true, I am a heterosexual" says Joe. 

"WOW! That's amazing you were able to find out all of that stuff about me all from just knowing I own a weed eater."

Joe is now really excited about taking this Logic class and shakes the Counselor's hand.  Joe can't wait for his classes to begin.

Later that evening Joe meets his good buddy Jim and their favorite bar and Jim asks "Well Joe, did you go out to the community college today and sign up for any classes?  "I sure did" Says Joe. 

"Well what did you sign up for" Jim asks.

"Two classes, History and Logic" Joe responds.

"Logic?" asks Jim, "What the heck is Logic about?"

"Well, let me give you a good an example" Joe says.

"Do you own a weed eater Jim?"

"Nope." said Jim.

"Well logic tells me you must be gay".

Drinks For Everyone except the Jerk

A guy pulls up in front of a bar driving a car plastered with VOTE BERNIE stickers all over it.  When we he walks in the bar he can't help but notice a guy a few bar stools down wearing a red Make America Great ball cap and a red T-shirt that boldly states "We Love you President Trump". In addition, the guy has two beers sitting in front of him.

Now you don't have to be an Einstein to know what this Bernie Sanders supporter thinks.  He thinks the guy down the bar is a big conservative.  So as loudly as he can he shouts out - "Bartender Give Drinks to Everyone in the bar except that conservative jerk with the hat sitting at the bar".

The bartender quickly pours out everyone a drink as directed and the conservative guy down the bar turns to the man who ordered the drinks and gives him a great big smile and says "Thank You Very Much Sir".

Now this infuriates the guy who ordered the drinks - so once again he loudly orders "Drinks for Everyone Bartender except that conservative jerk sitting down there". 

Again the drinks does as directed and gives everyone except the conservative guy as a drink.  As before the conservative guy turns to the man who ordered all the drinks and politely says "Thank You Again Sir".

The guy who ordered the two rounds of  drinks is now fuming.  So for a third time he yells "Bartender Drinks for Everyone again except that conservation asshole down the bar". The conservative guy just continues to sip on his beer until all the drinks are served then once again her turns to guy who ordered them - smiles and says very loudly "Thank You Again my Friend".

The guy ordering the drinks quietly motions for the bartender to come over then asks  What the hell is the matter with idiot down there. I have orders three rounds of drinks for everyone in this bar except him and all that silly ass does is smile and thank me.  Is he nuts or something?

 Oh no replied the bartender - He owns this place. 

Pop Quiz # 4 from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch Quiz

1. When is Twilight?

a) Only in the morning?

b) Only in the evening?

c) It occurs twice a day both in the morning and at night?  

2. Why do Ballet Dancers dance on their toes?

a) because its easier to dance for long periods on your toes then it is on the souls of your feet?

b) because it makes them look taller?

c) because that is the way they were taught to dance ballet?

Pop Quiz # 3 from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

The last Czar (or as some people like to say 'Tsar') of Russia was Nicolai Romanov. Do to growing unrest and high unemployment he was forced to abdicate his throne on May 15, 1917 which then - as most of us know - ushered in the start of communism revolution in Russia and the beginning of the Soviet Union. 
  
Nicolai, who was called Nicolai II, began his reign as Czar in 1894.  He was an avid rabbit lover and raised rabbits all his life.  It is said that once he became Czar he had the palace Chef serve rabbit meals twice a week and all main entrees for official Russian state dinners were to include rabbit meat selected from those rabbits which he personally raised. 

1) How long did the Romanov dynasty actually rule over the Russia people - from its start to the end of Czar Nicolai II's abdication in 1917? (approximately?)

a) 100 years?

b) 200 years?

c) 300 years?

2. Which is the most popular Russian in the world?  (ask a bartender if you need help)

a) a White Russian?

b) a Black Russian?

c) a Blind Russian?

Ralph's Rabbit Ranch Trivia - Humming Birds

Humming Birds are the only birds in the world that can fly in all directions. They can fly forwards, backwards, up, down, left and right. When they do hover at a blossom they always flap their wings in a figure eight pattern.

My favorite song from the Classic Movie Casablanca

Pop Quiz # 2 from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

1. Malaria is a deadly disease humans get from:

a) Ticks

b) Rabbit

c) Mosquitoes

2.  It is easy for females to get drunk on beer then it is on wine?

True or False?

a) True

b) False

Pop Quiz # 1 from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

1. The Ulna is a bone in the human body found in ---

a) the Arm?

b) the Leg?

c) the Chest?

2. True or false?

A pubic hair is a wild rabbit?

a) True

b) False

Bugs Bunny Was Not A Rabbit

As a Rabbit Rancher – I think – I am an easy going guy; few things seem to upset me. I always try to take life in stride and enjoy every day I am given.

However, I went to a dinner party this week and a loud mouth jerk started to get my blood to boil. As soon as he found out I was a rabbit rancher he started in with a list of rabbit wise-cracks and jokes – none of which were funny. I, along with the rest of the guests, sat there quietly taking it all in and smiling until he began commenting on the Rabbit and the Turtle race and Bugs Bunny - then I blew my stack. I let him have it – I had to shut him down as he had no idea what he was talking about.

Really, I am amazed at how many people get two simple things wrong. First, there never, ever was a story about a Rabbit and a Turtle race. The fable Aesop wrote was about a race between a Tortoise and the Hare. And second, Bugs Bunny was not a rabbit – and Elmer Fudd was always wrong when he kept referring to Bugs as a Waskly Wabbit.

So let’s set the record straight on these two points once and for all – this way you will be able to sound intelligent in the future.

Aesop was a slave born around 620 BC. Some say he was Ethiopian and brought over to Greece as a child. He was a story teller as most slaves could neither read or write. Aesop is credited with creating more than 600 fables all of which have been recorded. 

All of his fables presumably had a moral or cryptic message conveyed. Most of his fables involved animals and generally depicts them as the fable's heroes. Most people are familiar with two of his fables - the Tortoise and the Hare as well as the Lion (with the silver in his paw) and the Mouse who helped pull it out.

Now for the record there is a huge difference between a Tortoise and a Turtle. 

Yes both are animal’s reptiles and yes both have shells – however Tortoises never, ever go in water whereas Turtles live much of their lives if not all of their lives around water.’ 

Though Hares and Rabbits have a similar appearance they too are very different. Hares are much larger than Rabbits; they have longer hind legs and very longer ears.

Rabbits always keep the same fur coat color year round whereas the fur coat on a Hare changes with the seasons. Rabbits live underground in burrows whereas Hares always live above ground under bushes and shrubs.

Rabbits are born with their eyes open and can see immediately whereas hares are born with their eyes closed and are unable to see for the first week or so. Rabbits are very social creatures – they like to cluster together, eat together and play together. Hares on the other hand are non-social. They tend to live a solitary life. While Rabbits are very docile and tame, Hares are generally feisty and skittish – leading to the term we all know = ‘Harebrained’; as its difficult to predict what a Hare is about to do next.

Finally, and this is very important; if you can conjure up an imagine of Bugs Bunny in your mind – you will know instantly Bugs is a Hare – not a Rabbit.  His long ears and long legs are the give-away

His ears are much longer than most rabbits you will ever see and look how elongated his back legs are – they are so long in fact that Bugs prefers to walk upright rather then hop. It would be anatomically impossible for any rabbit to walk upright.

So the next time someone talks about the Tortoise and the Hare or comments that Bugs Bunny was a nice rabbit ------- be sure to correct them.

Pop Quiz from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

1. Malaria is a disease that comes from the bite of a ----

a) a Tick?

b) a Rabbit?

c) a Mosquito

2.  It is easier to get drunk on beer then it is on wine?

a) True

b) False 

Does your Rabbit Bite?

A man walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool next to Lady and a rabbit. 

After looking at the Lady and the rabbit he leans over and politely asks the Lady - Does your rabbit bite? “Never!” replied the lady"

The man reaches down to pet the rabbit and the rabbit bit him hard in the hand taking out a big chunk of skin.

Horrified the man then looks at the lady and says "I thought you said your rabbit doesn't bite”, "He doesn't. This Isn't my rabbit" the Lady replied.

Easter Weekend Police Line up.

All the usual suspects were brought in.

Fun in the Snow

With the weather so nice today Katie let Spencer and Ben go play in snow behind the barn # 2.  Man did they loved being outside.

Hard to believe but next month - hopefully around March 25th (if the Farmer's Almanac is correct) we will be letting the herd out to pasture.  Boy are they ever ready to go outside and graze.

Are Rabbits Left Pawed or Right Pawed?

Many long time friends of Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch know we get all sorts of questions each week from people around the world. Last week was no exception.  A young girl from Abilene, Kansas, a High School sophomore named Melissa, wrote seeking help with a term paper she is writing on Animal Husbandry.   Her question was:  ‘are rabbits right pawed or left pawed’.  I thought it was a good question so I will share our reply back to her.  

Science tells us that 10 - 12 % of the human population is left handed and that that percentage has remained constant the past 300,000 years.  We are told 30,000,000 people in the U.S. are left handed and that woman are more likely to be righted than left. 

Up until the mid 1950’s scientists claimed that “handedness” was only a human trait that did not apply to lower forms of animals.  Today we know this is wrong.  Animals of all species display traits of “handedness” whether they are Cats, Dogs, Cows, Horses or even Goldfishes.  “Handedness” is a universal phenomenon in all living creatures.

To help you think about ‘Handedness’ here’s a question for all NASCAR enthusiasts.  Which way to NASCAR vehicles race around a track?  Clockwise or Counter Clock wise?. For those of you who don’t understand the difference – clockwise races are designed to favor right-handers drivers while counter clockwise races favor left hander drivers.

Try this. Think about baseball.  Do ball players run the bases clockwise or counter cock wise?  When a player runs from first to second base and then to third and finally home is he running clockwise or counter clockwise?  If you said counter clockwise you are correct. Ball players run a left hander lap just as NASCAR drivers drive counter clockwise.

What about thorough breed horse racing - either saddled or buggied?  Do the horses run clockwise or counter clockwise. The answer = “left-handed” laps.  There’s no real plausible explanation for this however since the vast majority of professional athletes (human and horses) normally lead with their dominant hand or foot going left makes them have to excel harder in order to win. 

My understanding of rabbit ‘handedness’ has been acquired over the 14 years I have been raising rabbits commercially. Even though experts say 10 - 12 percent of the human population exhibits left handedness our personal observations here at the ranch reveals almost 30% of any given rabbit population is left pawed. We know this from three things.  First, by the way rabbits initiate their leaps and hops.  Left pawed rabbits push off with their left paws whereas right pawed rabbits kick off with their right paws.

Second, when rabbits position food a left pawed rabbit will use the left front paw more than a right pawed rabbit will.  Finally, when a rabbit gnaws on food like a carrot - left pawed rabbits gnaw from their left side while right pawed rabbits begin gnawing from the right side.

Since we keep accurate records on our breeding cycles we know that older does tend to give birth to more left pawed kits then younger does.  We also know that left pawed rabbits are more aggressive and appear more intelligent.  How do we know this?  Left pawed rabbits are generally the first ones to come out during feeding times and they push and buck to defend their position in the feeding line.

Studies conducted by the AMA suggest left handed males have higher levels of testosterone and mature later sexually than right hander’s - which we agree.  Left pawed bucks are always more prolific during our scheduled breeding sessions; unfortunately the downside from a Rabbit Ranchers perspective is since left pawed bucks sexually mature later we get less quality breeding time out of them.

Finally and this is an easy test for you to perform on your own.  The next time you see a rabbit in your yard or in a field take a moment to study it.  Left pawed rabbits tend to look to their left about 70% more often than their right pawed counterparts.  Right pawed rabbits favor looking to their right side seldom to their left.

Hope this all makes sense and gives you a better appreciation for rabbits.  Your friend Ralph

Annual Labor Day Race - the best event of the year.

This Saturday - September 3rd, 2016 - we will be hosting our 12th Annual tortoise vs. the hare race.  As usual we will be substituting a turtle for the tortoise and a rabbit for the hare. Its amazing how each year this race gets more exciting.

Hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend. 

Ralph & Gabe     

This is the Primary Reasons We Went Into the Rabbit Ranching Business

The Japanese Banker and Erotic Intercourse

A respected banker from southern Japan is arguing with his wife about he wants her to perform highly erotic sex.

The man: "Sukitaki. mojitaka!"

Wife replies: "Kowanini! mowi janakpa!"

The man now angry says: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"

Wife literally on her knees begging: "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!"

The man shouting: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!"

I can't believe you just sat there trying to read this – you don’t know Japanese.  Boy some people will read anything as long as it is about sex or politics.

Interesting Pun Humor - but only for the educated

A County Deputy cited a dog for giving birth to puppies near County Hwy 12 for littering.

Interesting Animal Triva

In 1957 little was known regarding the impact of space travel on a living creature.  Therefore as part of its space exploration testing program the Russians - the formerly known as the USSR sent the first animal up into space.

No it wasn't a rabbit as many had thought instead it was a dog.  A stray dog that was found on the streets of Moscow.  The dog was named Laika which in Russian means little barker.

Rabbits - Pesky Critters or Valuable Resources

Today, rabbits are entrenched throughout the United States primarily in the southern and central areas of our country, with scattered populations sometimes seen in our northern deserts.

Although the rabbit can be a notorious pest for some home owners - we must remember that rabbits proved useful to many American citizens especially during the depressions of the 1890's and the 1930's, as well as during periods of American conflicts such as the Civil War,  WWI and WWII. 

Trapping rabbits helped farmers and cattlemen by providing them something to eat as well as earn an extra income by selling their meat and fur.  In some cases selling rabbits became a way for many earlier farmers to help pay off their farming debts. 

Rabbits meat was fed to working dogs out in the great west and often boiled then diced only to be fed to poultry many farmers and ranchers had. 

Later, with the introduction of refrigeration frozen rabbit carcases were exported and traded internationally. Rabbit pelts were used for years in the fur trade and are still used as a primary source of material in the felt hat industry.