Weed eater Logic

Two middle aged guys, Joe and Jim are sitting at their favorite bar having a beer.

Joe turns to Jim and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through  life without nothing to look forward to - and its all because I don't have a decent education. I think tomorrow I am going over to that community college and sign up for some colleges classes."

Jim says "Well I thinks that's a good idea Joe". They finish their beers and leave.

The next day, Joe goes out to the community college on his lunch hour and talks to an Admissions Counselor.  After interviewing Joe the Counselor recommends Joe sign up for two upcoming classes he thinks might be fun for Joe. The Counselor recommends Joe take History and Logic.

"Logic?" Joe asks "What's the heck kind of course is that?"

The Admissions Counselor says, "Its a really fun course that teaches you how to think.  Let me give you an example.

Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yes I do" Joe replies.

"Well then logically speaking I can only presume since you own a weed eater you have a yard."

"That's true" Joe says  "I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," says the counselor. "Now because you have a yard, its only logical you have a house."  "Well yes, I do have a house" says Joe.

"See how this Logic works?"  the counselor says.

Now because you have a house its only logical you would have a family."

"Yes, I do have a family" says Joe.

"Since you have a family, then logically you must have a wife"  "Yes I do have a wife" says Joe.

"Now because you have a wife, then logic dictates that you must be a heterosexual male."

"That's true, I am a heterosexual" says Joe. 

"WOW! That's amazing you were able to find out all of that stuff about me all from just knowing I own a weed eater."

Joe is now really excited about taking this Logic class and shakes the Counselor's hand.  Joe can't wait for his classes to begin.

Later that evening Joe meets his good buddy Jim and their favorite bar and Jim asks "Well Joe, did you go out to the community college today and sign up for any classes?  "I sure did" Says Joe. 

"Well what did you sign up for" Jim asks.

"Two classes, History and Logic" Joe responds.

"Logic?" asks Jim, "What the heck is Logic about?"

"Well, let me give you a good an example" Joe says.

"Do you own a weed eater Jim?"

"Nope." said Jim.

"Well logic tells me you must be gay".

Bugs Bunny Was Not A Rabbit

As a Rabbit Rancher – I think – I am an easy going guy; few things seem to upset me. I always try to take life in stride and enjoy every day I am given.

However, I went to a dinner party this week and a loud mouth jerk started to get my blood to boil. As soon as he found out I was a rabbit rancher he started in with a list of rabbit wise-cracks and jokes – none of which were funny. I, along with the rest of the guests, sat there quietly taking it all in and smiling until he began commenting on the Rabbit and the Turtle race and Bugs Bunny - then I blew my stack. I let him have it – I had to shut him down as he had no idea what he was talking about.

Really, I am amazed at how many people get two simple things wrong. First, there never, ever was a story about a Rabbit and a Turtle race. The fable Aesop wrote was about a race between a Tortoise and the Hare. And second, Bugs Bunny was not a rabbit – and Elmer Fudd was always wrong when he kept referring to Bugs as a Waskly Wabbit.

So let’s set the record straight on these two points once and for all – this way you will be able to sound intelligent in the future.

Aesop was a slave born around 620 BC. Some say he was Ethiopian and brought over to Greece as a child. He was a story teller as most slaves could neither read or write. Aesop is credited with creating more than 600 fables all of which have been recorded. 

All of his fables presumably had a moral or cryptic message conveyed. Most of his fables involved animals and generally depicts them as the fable's heroes. Most people are familiar with two of his fables - the Tortoise and the Hare as well as the Lion (with the silver in his paw) and the Mouse who helped pull it out.

Now for the record there is a huge difference between a Tortoise and a Turtle. 

Yes both are animal’s reptiles and yes both have shells – however Tortoises never, ever go in water whereas Turtles live much of their lives if not all of their lives around water.’ 

Though Hares and Rabbits have a similar appearance they too are very different. Hares are much larger than Rabbits; they have longer hind legs and very longer ears.

Rabbits always keep the same fur coat color year round whereas the fur coat on a Hare changes with the seasons. Rabbits live underground in burrows whereas Hares always live above ground under bushes and shrubs.

Rabbits are born with their eyes open and can see immediately whereas hares are born with their eyes closed and are unable to see for the first week or so. Rabbits are very social creatures – they like to cluster together, eat together and play together. Hares on the other hand are non-social. They tend to live a solitary life. While Rabbits are very docile and tame, Hares are generally feisty and skittish – leading to the term we all know = ‘Harebrained’; as its difficult to predict what a Hare is about to do next.

Finally, and this is very important; if you can conjure up an imagine of Bugs Bunny in your mind – you will know instantly Bugs is a Hare – not a Rabbit.  His long ears and long legs are the give-away

His ears are much longer than most rabbits you will ever see and look how elongated his back legs are – they are so long in fact that Bugs prefers to walk upright rather then hop. It would be anatomically impossible for any rabbit to walk upright.

So the next time someone talks about the Tortoise and the Hare or comments that Bugs Bunny was a nice rabbit ------- be sure to correct them.

Does your Rabbit Bite?

A man walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool next to Lady and a rabbit. 

After looking at the Lady and the rabbit he leans over and politely asks the Lady - Does your rabbit bite? “Never!” replied the lady"

The man reaches down to pet the rabbit and the rabbit bit him hard in the hand taking out a big chunk of skin.

Horrified the man then looks at the lady and says "I thought you said your rabbit doesn't bite”, "He doesn't. This Isn't my rabbit" the Lady replied.

Fun in the Snow

With the weather so nice today Katie let Spencer and Ben go play in snow behind the barn # 2.  Man did they loved being outside.

Hard to believe but next month - hopefully around March 25th (if the Farmer's Almanac is correct) we will be letting the herd out to pasture.  Boy are they ever ready to go outside and graze.

Annual Labor Day Race - the best event of the year.

This Saturday - September 3rd, 2016 - we will be hosting our 12th Annual tortoise vs. the hare race.  As usual we will be substituting a turtle for the tortoise and a rabbit for the hare. Its amazing how each year this race gets more exciting.

Hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend. 

Ralph & Gabe     

Rabbits - Pesky Critters or Valuable Resources

Today, rabbits are entrenched throughout the United States primarily in the southern and central areas of our country, with scattered populations sometimes seen in our northern deserts.

Although the rabbit can be a notorious pest for some home owners - we must remember that rabbits proved useful to many American citizens especially during the depressions of the 1890's and the 1930's, as well as during periods of American conflicts such as the Civil War,  WWI and WWII. 

Trapping rabbits helped farmers and cattlemen by providing them something to eat as well as earn an extra income by selling their meat and fur.  In some cases selling rabbits became a way for many earlier farmers to help pay off their farming debts. 

Rabbits meat was fed to working dogs out in the great west and often boiled then diced only to be fed to poultry many farmers and ranchers had. 

Later, with the introduction of refrigeration frozen rabbit carcases were exported and traded internationally. Rabbit pelts were used for years in the fur trade and are still used as a primary source of material in the felt hat industry. 

Win a Lucky Rabbits Foot

Here' is your chance to win a "Genuine" Ralph's Rabbit Ranch lucky Rabbit's foot.

Please take a moment to review the "Collective Comments" listed below by people who were likely to have said something about the gourmet rabbits sold on Ralph's Rabbit Ranch.

After reading the 'Likely Collective Comments' listed submit a comment you think is fitting for Ralph's Rabbit Ranch. If we can use your comments we will send you your very own genuine Ralph's Rabbit Ranch Lucking Rabbit foot. This prized objet d'art is believed, by many cultures and societies from around the world, to hold some mystical force that can keep one out of harms way and bring good fortune.

Judging of all likely comments received will take place on Monday, August 18th at 1pm here at Ralph's Rabbit Ranch in pristine Lugerville, Wisconsin. 

Up to 25 lucky Ralph's Rabbit feet will be awarded and mailed out to the winners. Authors of winning entries will be contacted via Face Book message to confirm an appropriate mailing address. All lucky rabbit's feet awarded will be mailed out via the US Postal Service utilizing 'First Class' mail service.

Sorry only one submission per person will be allowed.

Below are the rules for all likely comment submissions:

1) All submissions must be in English

2) Photo's and artwork will not be allowed

3) The use of profanity is not permitted and will automatically disqualify the entry

4) 'Likely comments' should reflect the statement or thoughts of likely well known public figures, celebrities or historical characters either real or animated. For example it could be conjectured that Tony the Tiger is likely to have said -" Ralph's Rabbits ... There Great" or Elmer Fudd could be conjectured to have said "Walphs Wabbits are Waskley Wabbits"

5) Points will be awarded for originality and creativity

6) Bonus points will be awarded for "Likely comments" postulated by federal lawmakers and foreign heads of state - China and North Korea excluded of course.

Reminder: Ralph's Rabbit Ranch along with its subsidiaries and affiliate holding interests reserves the right to share any entry submitted on Face Book or use in other print medias.

Good luck and we hope you win.

Ralph

Read the notice below:

Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch® 

… The Pride of Wisconsin Ranching

Featuring - Gabe’s Gourmet Rabbits®

Homegrown and free range - our barley and alfalfa fed, koshered gourmet rabbits are raised exclusively for discriminating diners with exquisite taste.

Collective comments 'likely shared' regarding Gabe’s Gourmet Rabbits®

Living in D.C. we’ve forgotten how great Wisconsin rabbit taste. Thanks Ralph for an incredible meal.
Tommy Thompson – former Governor of Wisconsin

The best part about shooting a film in Wisconsin was enjoying delicious burgers brought over daily from Ralph’s ranch.
Johnny Deep – Actor … While filming Public Enemies

You don’t have to be a Master Chef to prepare an elegant and gourmet meal for your family with Ralph’s rabbits.
Gordon Ramsey – 16 Star Michelin Chef

Ralph, your sautéed rabbit loins and red cabbage are definitely worthy of an Oscar! I give you two thumbs up.
Julie Roberts – Pretty Woman

If Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch were located in Chicago we would be larger than L.A. and New York City.
Richard M. Daley – former Mayor of Chicago

My visit to Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch was the best adventure I ever had. You guys are great!
Pee Wee Herman – Entertainer and Television Personality Extraordinaire

Seen animals from all over the world but am now convinced gourmet rabbits come only from Wisconsin north of the picket wire. .
Jack Hanna – Director of the Cincinnati Zoo & TV Personality

Gabe’s Gourmet Rabbits® Now shipped anywhere in the US or Europe next day air -fresh or frozen for your discreet dining pleasure.

Rabbit Trivia # 8

Rabbit meat is a heart -patient's friend. It contains less calorie value and sodium than all other meats - plus it is almost entirely cholesterol free.

If you are worried about your heart eat more rabbit meat.

We Now Have a Face Book Like Page - Please Check It Out

Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch is the fastest growing rabbit ranch in Midwest; we are located in northern Wisconsin in Price County along the historic Lugerville range.    

We recently created a Face Book “Like” Page to go along with our Face Book Friend Page . It’s full of surprising rabbit trivia and entertaining articles the kind your whole family will enjoy.

If you are not a member of Face Book “Google us” or “Bing us” just type in Ralph's Rabbit Ranch or “Ralph's Ranch” so you can get to know us better. Whether you live in the north woods or come up for visits you’ll appreciate all the fun things taking place out at the Ranch.  

If you have questions post a comment. Tammy, Clancy, Stacey, Amanda or I will get back with any questions you may have. Enjoy the rest of this gorgeous summer.

Stay healthy my friends … and eat more rabbits.

Ralph

Animal Trivia # 6

Here's some really fun trivia we think you will enjoy. Most people know that Rabbits are land mammals and that they are avid jumpers. The average adult rabbit can jump as high as 36 inches (that's 3 feet - one yard - that's almost a meter) and as far as 8 feet in length in a single jump.

Now if you think that is cool get ready for this.  The rabbits cousins the Hares are even more adept at jumping.  Hares can put any rabbit to shame when it comes to jumping.  Since we don't raise hares we won't get into the specifics of their jumping abilities.
 
But hear is some really amazing trivia we think you will find of tremendous interest.  Most people know that Elephants are also mammals; however very few people realize that  Elephants are the 'the only land mammals' that cannot jump at all.

Do you have any great rabbit or animal trivia that you would like to share with all of us out here at the Ranch?  If so visit us our Face Book at Ralphs Rabbit Ranch and send us a private message or if you prefer send us an email with your rabbit or animal trivia at: 

ralphsrabbitranch@gmail.com.   

If Clancy, our science consultant, thinks we can use the trivia information you provide on either our Face Book page or our blog we will send you a complimentary Official Ralph's Rabbit Ranch "Lucky Rabbit's Foot Key Chain".  

Thoughts on Aminal Sex

You may have heard rabbits are promiscuous creatures. Well we can confirm that! Out here on the ranch we see a lot of promiscuity within the herd. In addition rabbits generally start to breed around four months of age and if weather conditions permit rabbits will breed all year round.

 

Now what you may not know - and this is amazing - rats are even more licentious then rabbits. Rats frequently have sex up to twenty times each day. 

 

 

And if that is not enough ... are you aware that male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of all mammals.

 

 

If you find this kind of trivia of interest let us know and we will post more interceding animal sex trivia.

Our Recent Student Visit

Yesterday we had a group of elementary school students visit the Ranch for a class field trip. All the students on the field trip were from a science class. After receiving an extensive tour of the ranch and having the opportunity to talk to several of the ranch hands Tammy brought the kids into the “The Big Hall” where she had milk and cookies waiting for them.

While the students were eating their snack, Victor, who thinks he is an expert on all science and political matters, thought he would conduct a pop quiz to keep the students busy. Below are the results of Victors quiz.  

 

 

VICTOR Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A STUDENT Premature death

VICTOR Can any of you name the four seasons rabbits live through?
A STUDENT Yes. Salt, pepper, mustard and garlic

VICTOR Do any of you know how dew is formed?
A STUDENT Yes! The sun shines down on the leaves of the trees and makes them perspire so all the rabbits can get some water - (Victor liked this answer.  Gave the Kid an A+)

VICTOR What causes tides in the oceans?
A STUDENT   Oh we just studied this. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. Water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on it and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget how the sun joins the fight but I know rabbits love water and wash their fur in it.  (This kid got an A+ as well)

VICTOR What are steroids?
A STUDENT Little things that keep carpets  from moving on  stairs

VICTOR What happens to a young boy who raises rabbits when he reaches puberty?
A STUDENT He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (Victor gave the kid a C-)

VICTOR   What happens to your body as you age?
A STUDENT When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

VICTOR What is artificial insemination?
A STUDENT Oh that's when you guys do it to the rabbits (Victor gave the kid a B)

VICTOR How can you delay milk from turning sour?
A STUDENT Keep it in the cow (Can't believe it Victor gave the kid a B-)

VICTOR How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
A STUDENT Well the body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity is what contains all the five bowels: A, E,I, O, U.                                              
VICTOR What does 'varicose' mean?
A STUDENT Nearby in Chinese I think   

VICTOR What is a terminal illness?
A STUDENT When you are sick at the airport.

VICTOR In a democratic society, how important are annual elections?
A STUDENT Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election