History of Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

History of Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

Monday, November 20, 2017

Drinks For Everyone except the Jerk

A guy pulls up in front of a bar driving a car plastered with VOTE BERNIE stickers all over it.  When we he walks in the bar he can't help but notice a guy a few bar stools down wearing a red Make America Great ball cap and a red T-shirt that boldly states "We Love you President Trump". In addition, the guy has two beers sitting in front of him.

Now you don't have to be an Einstein to know what this Bernie Sanders supporter thinks.  He thinks the guy down the bar is a big conservative.  So as loudly as he can he shouts out - "Bartender Give Drinks to Everyone in the bar except that conservative jerk with the hat sitting at the bar".

The bartender quickly pours out everyone a drink as directed and the conservative guy down the bar turns to the man who ordered the drinks and gives him a great big smile and says "Thank You Very Much Sir".

Now this infuriates the guy who ordered the drinks - so once again he loudly orders "Drinks for Everyone Bartender except that conservative jerk sitting down there". 

Again the drinks does as directed and gives everyone except the conservative guy as a drink.  As before the conservative guy turns to the man who ordered all the drinks and politely says "Thank You Again Sir".

The guy who ordered the two rounds of  drinks is now fuming.  So for a third time he yells "Bartender Drinks for Everyone again except that conservation asshole down the bar". The conservative guy just continues to sip on his beer until all the drinks are served then once again her turns to guy who ordered them - smiles and says very loudly "Thank You Again my Friend".

The guy ordering the drinks quietly motions for the bartender to come over then asks  What the hell is the matter with idiot down there. I have orders three rounds of drinks for everyone in this bar except him and all that silly ass does is smile and thank me.  Is he nuts or something?

 Oh no replied the bartender - He owns this place. 

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Pop Quiz # 4 from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch Quiz

1. When is Twilight?

a) Only in the morning?

b) Only in the evening?

c) It occurs twice a day both in the morning and at night?  

2. Why do Ballet Dancers dance on their toes?

a) because its easier to dance for long periods on your toes then it is on the souls of your feet?

b) because it makes them look taller?

c) because that is the way they were taught to dance ballet?

Friday, June 9, 2017

Pop Quiz # 3 from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

The last Czar (or as some people like to say 'Tsar') of Russia was Nicolai Romanov. Do to growing unrest and high unemployment he was forced to abdicate his throne on May 15, 1917 which then - as most of us know - ushered in the start of communism revolution in Russia and the beginning of the Soviet Union. 
Nicolai, who was called Nicolai II, began his reign as Czar in 1894.  He was an avid rabbit lover and raised rabbits all his life.  It is said that once he became Czar he had the palace Chef serve rabbit meals twice a week and all main entrees for official Russian state dinners were to include rabbit meat selected from those rabbits which he personally raised. 

1) How long did the Romanov dynasty actually rule over the Russia people - from its start to the end of Czar Nicolai II's abdication in 1917? (approximately?)

a) 100 years?

b) 200 years?

c) 300 years?

2. Which is the most popular Russian in the world?  (ask a bartender if you need help)

a) a White Russian?

b) a Black Russian?

c) a Blind Russian?

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Ralph's Rabbit Ranch Trivia - Humming Birds

Humming Birds are the only birds in the world that can fly in all directions. They can fly forwards, backwards, up, down, left and right. When they do hover at a blossom they always flap their wings in a figure eight pattern.

Friday, June 2, 2017

Pop Quiz # 2 from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

1. Malaria is a deadly disease humans get from:

a) Ticks

b) Rabbit

c) Mosquitoes

2.  It is easy for females to get drunk on beer then it is on wine?

True or False?

a) True

b) False

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Pop Quiz # 1 from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

1. The Ulna is a bone in the human body found in ---

a) the Arm?

b) the Leg?

c) the Chest?

2. True or false?

A pubic hair is a wild rabbit?

a) True

b) False

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Who Brought Rabbits to Britain **

Well it has been finally settled - once and for all! Years of division among academics has finally come to an end. We now know who introduced rabbits to Britain.

The majority of historians had long believed it was Normans (the French) who introduced rabbits into Britain; however, a small group of scholars throughout the years had always insisted rabbits were brought to Britain by the Romans. 

Marcus Terrentius Varro (116-27BC) is always cited as the military officer who brought rabbits to the island nation. Marcus wrote in his memoirs that his Legion brought rabbits with them when they invaded Britain. He served his men rabbits on Roman Holidays and all festive occasions as well as on those nights when his Legion was victorious in battle over the Celts.

We can thank a recent archaeological dig in Norfolk England for solving this mystery. The remains of a 2,000-year-old rabbit, the oldest rabbit fossil ever found on the British shores provides scientists with evidential proof that is was the Romans who first introduced the rabbit to northern Europe – not the French. 

Jayne Bown, the manager of the Norfolk Archaeological team said "We can now clearly date, without equivocation that the rabbit in Britain dates back to the first or second century AD from the pottery fragments found beside it. All the pottery fragments, and there were many, are domestic pots which Romans traditionally used for cooking.

The accepted belief now is that: Lagomorphs (the zoological name for Rabbits) actually originated in Central Asia then over time (perhaps hundreds of years) they began to disperse throughout both Asia and Europe. 

Rabbits appeared in India quite early and then they continued their migration into Italy. Once in Italy they were immediately embraced by the Italians who saw them as a prized food - a delicacy; never before seen.

So the next time someone asks you who brought rabbits to Britain you can state with certainty – The Romans Did!!!

** For the purpose of this article – Britain is the official name give to the kingdom of England and the principality of Wales. The capital of England is London and the capital of Wales is Cardiff.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Bugs Bunny Was Not A Rabbit

As a Rabbit Rancher – I think – I am an easy going guy; few things seem to upset me. I always try to take life in stride and enjoy every day I am given.

However, I went to a dinner party this week and a loud mouth jerk started to get my blood to boil. As soon as he found out I was a rabbit rancher he started in with a list of rabbit wise-cracks and jokes – none of which were funny. I, along with the rest of the guests, sat there quietly taking it all in and smiling until he began commenting on the Rabbit and the Turtle race and Bugs Bunny - then I blew my stack. I let him have it – I had to shut him down as he had no idea what he was talking about.

Really, I am amazed at how many people get two simple things wrong. First, there never, ever was a story about a Rabbit and a Turtle race. The fable Aesop wrote was about a race between a Tortoise and the Hare. And second, Bugs Bunny was not a rabbit – and Elmer Fudd was always wrong when he kept referring to Bugs as a Waskly Wabbit.

So let’s set the record straight on these two points once and for all – this way you will be able to sound intelligent in the future.

Aesop was a slave born around 620 BC. Some say he was Ethiopian and brought over to Greece as a child. He was a story teller as most slaves could neither read or write. Aesop is credited with creating more than 600 fables all of which have been recorded. 

All of his fables presumably had a moral or cryptic message conveyed. Most of his fables involved animals and generally depicts them as the fable's heroes. Most people are familiar with two of his fables - the Tortoise and the Hare as well as the Lion (with the silver in his paw) and the Mouse who helped pull it out.

Now for the record there is a huge difference between a Tortoise and a Turtle. 

Yes both are animal’s reptiles and yes both have shells – however Tortoises never, ever go in water whereas Turtles live much of their lives if not all of their lives around water.’ 

Though Hares and Rabbits have a similar appearance they too are very different. Hares are much larger than Rabbits; they have longer hind legs and very longer ears.

Rabbits always keep the same fur coat color year round whereas the fur coat on a Hare changes with the seasons. Rabbits live underground in burrows whereas Hares always live above ground under bushes and shrubs.

Rabbits are born with their eyes open and can see immediately whereas hares are born with their eyes closed and are unable to see for the first week or so. Rabbits are very social creatures – they like to cluster together, eat together and play together. Hares on the other hand are non-social. They tend to live a solitary life. While Rabbits are very docile and tame, Hares are generally feisty and skittish – leading to the term we all know = ‘Harebrained’; as its difficult to predict what a Hare is about to do next.

Finally, and this is very important; if you can conjure up an imagine of Bugs Bunny in your mind – you will know instantly Bugs is a Hare – not a Rabbit.  His long ears and long legs are the give-away

His ears are much longer than most rabbits you will ever see and look how elongated his back legs are – they are so long in fact that Bugs prefers to walk upright rather then hop. It would be anatomically impossible for any rabbit to walk upright.

So the next time someone talks about the Tortoise and the Hare or comments that Bugs Bunny was a nice rabbit ------- be sure to correct them.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Pop Quiz from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

1. Malaria is a disease that comes from the bite of a ----

a) a Tick?

b) a Rabbit?

c) a Mosquito

2.  It is easier to get drunk on beer then it is on wine?

a) True

b) False 

Friday, April 28, 2017

Does your Rabbit Bite?

A man walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool next to Lady and a rabbit. 

After looking at the Lady and the rabbit he leans over and politely asks the Lady - Does your rabbit bite? “Never!” replied the lady"

The man reaches down to pet the rabbit and the rabbit bit him hard in the hand taking out a big chunk of skin.

Horrified the man then looks at the lady and says "I thought you said your rabbit doesn't bite”, "He doesn't. This Isn't my rabbit" the Lady replied.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Bill and Mary were patients in a mental hospital. Both were considered dangerous to themselves as well as to others. However over their years of confinement the two of them developed a deep friendship for one another that some even thought was romantic in nature.

One day while they were out walking past the hospital swimming pool, Bill suddenly jumped into the deep end and sank to the bottom of the pool where he stayed.

Mary seeing the situation promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Sean out. Once out of the water she helped him with his breathing. 

When the Medical staff became aware of Mary's heroic act they convened a special meeting and decided she could now be discharged from the mental hospital, as they now considered her to be mentally stable.

When the Administrator went to Mary's room to tell her the news she said, 'Mary, I have good news and bad news for you.

The good news is we are going to discharge you from the hospital today. Since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love ... the staff has concluded that your act displayed you have a sound mind.

The bad news Mary is your friend Billl hung himself last night in his bathroom with his bathrobe belt after you saved him. We are all so sorry for your loss as we all knew how much he meant to you.'

Mary replied, 'Bill didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

Now how soon before I can go home?'

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Do Rabbit’s Feet Really Bring Good Luck?

Interesting question so let’s start at the beginning to answer it correctly. The ancient Chinese believed the human foot was important because they saw every organ in the human body had a pathway or a “meridian’ to the foot. Consequently people today who practice alternative medicine still believe our feet provide access to all of our body’s internal organs – think acupuncture.

Scientist believe there are approximately 7000 nerve endings in every human’s foot - so many nerve endings in fact that main stream doctors sometimes recommend their patients walk barefoot whenever possible when on grass or in sand to help stimulate the nervous system and generate better health throughout the body.

Now with all that said are rabbit’s feet really lucky? As the owner of a large Rabbit Ranch I see thousands of rabbit feet each year and to tell you the truth I am not sure if they bring good luck or not. Most “expert’s I know of can’t agree if they do. For many it’s just an old superstition. The reality however is the rabbit's foot is the most common good-luck charm around the world. A distant second is the shamrock (4 leaf clover) followed by soft piece of bark from a eucalyptus tree in third place.

Now the origin of the rabbit's foot providing good luck goes back to 6 BC; and though there is no connection between the luck a rabbit’s foot with any scriptural references many European Christians associate the rabbit’s foot with Eastre the goddess of fertility (the goddess today that many associate with Easter). The true believers say you only get the benefits of good luck if you carry a rabbit’s foot in your right front pocket. Others say it must be kept secure in the glove box of your car while you travel and still others say it should be tucked away in a purse or handbag not hanging from a key chain.

Someday try this fun experiment – it’s easy. The next time you watch an awards program on TV like the Oscars - the Emmy’s, the Golden Globe Awards, the Grammys Awards etc. quietly count the number of actors, actresses, directors, producers, songwriters, artists etc. who are holding a rabbit's foot. Watch how they gently rub it as the nominations are called out. It’s amazing how many people who held a rabbit’s foot actually won awards: Earl Flynn, Meryl Streep, Henry Fonda, Loretta Young, William Holden, Betty Davis, Burt Lancaster, Sylvester Stallone, Sharon Stone, Robert De Niro, Gina Davis, Al Pacino, Kate Winslow, Michael Douglas, Ben Affleck, Spencer Tracy, Humphrey Bogart, Kathryn Hepburn, Tom Hanks, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg just a few you might want to consider? Did they deserve their awards? You bet! Did the rabbit’s foot help? I really don’t know.

Now if you are not in to watching award shows here’s another exercise to try. Observe the number of NFL and college coaches who hold rabbit’s feet during a title games or super bowl events; or watch the coaches and managers in the NBA or MLB as well as NASCAR pit crews and PGA caddies.

Personally, I was amazed to learn Michele Obama clutched a rabbit’s foot during both of President Obama’s Presidential debates. Was it a coincidence? Could be! I just don’t know. Also look at old portraits of Christopher Columbus, Admiral Byrd, Captain Cook and even Captain Morgan (that’s right the Caribbean privateer --- he was not a pirate; who after he retired from the high seas began to distill spiced rum.) Look closely at their belts, sashes and boots - see the small rabbit’s foot dangling? Did they have them for luck?

All I can say is people around the world think rabbit’s feet are lucky. You have to decide for yourself.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Very Little Law Enforcement Humor - from a Rabbit Rancher

Did you hear about the midget fortune-teller who escaped from a County Jail? The Sheriff and his Deputies have her officially listed as a small medium at large.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Fun in the Snow

With the weather so nice today Katie let Spencer and Ben go play in snow behind the barn # 2.  Man did they loved being outside.

Hard to believe but next month - hopefully around March 25th (if the Farmer's Almanac is correct) we will be letting the herd out to pasture.  Boy are they ever ready to go outside and graze.
Follow @Ralphsranch