Very Little Law Enforcement Humor - from a Rabbit Rancher

Did you hear about the midget fortune-teller who escaped from a County Jail? The Sheriff and his Deputies have her officially listed as a small medium at large.

Fun in the Snow

With the weather so nice today Katie let Spencer and Ben go play in snow behind the barn # 2.  Man did they loved being outside.

Hard to believe but next month - hopefully around March 25th (if the Farmer's Almanac is correct) we will be letting the herd out to pasture.  Boy are they ever ready to go outside and graze.

Are Rabbits Left Pawed or Right Pawed?

Many long time friends of Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch know we get all sorts of questions each week from people around the world. Last week was no exception.  A young girl from Abilene, Kansas, a High School sophomore named Melissa, wrote seeking help with a term paper she is writing on Animal Husbandry.   Her question was:  ‘are rabbits right pawed or left pawed’.  I thought it was a good question so I will share our reply back to her.  

Science tells us that 10 - 12 % of the human population is left handed and that that percentage has remained constant the past 300,000 years.  We are told 30,000,000 people in the U.S. are left handed and that woman are more likely to be righted than left. 

Up until the mid 1950’s scientists claimed that “handedness” was only a human trait that did not apply to lower forms of animals.  Today we know this is wrong.  Animals of all species display traits of “handedness” whether they are Cats, Dogs, Cows, Horses or even Goldfishes.  “Handedness” is a universal phenomenon in all living creatures.

To help you think about ‘Handedness’ here’s a question for all NASCAR enthusiasts.  Which way to NASCAR vehicles race around a track?  Clockwise or Counter Clock wise?. For those of you who don’t understand the difference – clockwise races are designed to favor right-handers drivers while counter clockwise races favor left hander drivers.

Try this. Think about baseball.  Do ball players run the bases clockwise or counter cock wise?  When a player runs from first to second base and then to third and finally home is he running clockwise or counter clockwise?  If you said counter clockwise you are correct. Ball players run a left hander lap just as NASCAR drivers drive counter clockwise.

What about thorough breed horse racing - either saddled or buggied?  Do the horses run clockwise or counter clockwise. The answer = “left-handed” laps.  There’s no real plausible explanation for this however since the vast majority of professional athletes (human and horses) normally lead with their dominant hand or foot going left makes them have to excel harder in order to win. 

My understanding of rabbit ‘handedness’ has been acquired over the 14 years I have been raising rabbits commercially. Even though experts say 10 - 12 percent of the human population exhibits left handedness our personal observations here at the ranch reveals almost 30% of any given rabbit population is left pawed. We know this from three things.  First, by the way rabbits initiate their leaps and hops.  Left pawed rabbits push off with their left paws whereas right pawed rabbits kick off with their right paws.

Second, when rabbits position food a left pawed rabbit will use the left front paw more than a right pawed rabbit will.  Finally, when a rabbit gnaws on food like a carrot - left pawed rabbits gnaw from their left side while right pawed rabbits begin gnawing from the right side.

Since we keep accurate records on our breeding cycles we know that older does tend to give birth to more left pawed kits then younger does.  We also know that left pawed rabbits are more aggressive and appear more intelligent.  How do we know this?  Left pawed rabbits are generally the first ones to come out during feeding times and they push and buck to defend their position in the feeding line.

Studies conducted by the AMA suggest left handed males have higher levels of testosterone and mature later sexually than right hander’s - which we agree.  Left pawed bucks are always more prolific during our scheduled breeding sessions; unfortunately the downside from a Rabbit Ranchers perspective is since left pawed bucks sexually mature later we get less quality breeding time out of them.

Finally and this is an easy test for you to perform on your own.  The next time you see a rabbit in your yard or in a field take a moment to study it.  Left pawed rabbits tend to look to their left about 70% more often than their right pawed counterparts.  Right pawed rabbits favor looking to their right side seldom to their left.

Hope this all makes sense and gives you a better appreciation for rabbits.  Your friend Ralph

Annual Labor Day Race - the best event of the year.

This Saturday - September 3rd, 2016 - we will be hosting our 12th Annual tortoise vs. the hare race.  As usual we will be substituting a turtle for the tortoise and a rabbit for the hare. Its amazing how each year this race gets more exciting.

Hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend. 

Ralph & Gabe     

Rabbit Fur and Sexual Arousal

Rabbit legends abound in every culture and all the friends of Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch who have been out to the ranch have seen the huge piles of letters we receive each week from across the country asking various questions about rabbits and the folklore tales about rabbits. 

As many of you are aware we have tried to occasionally share our answers to the most popular questions we receive - like: “Does a Rabbit’s Foot Really Bring Good Luck” and “Can Rabbit Meat Seasoned with Paprika Really Accelerate Weight Loss and Increase Fertility” and "Were There Really Such Things as "Jack-O-Lopes in the Past". 

Without a doubt though the most often question we receive is - “Is Rabbit Meat Really an Aphrodisiac - Can it or does it really improve the desire and quality of active sex lives?”

Well not long ago, a 54 year bank teller from Toledo, Ohio wrote us to ask “Is it possible to Heighten One's Romantic Feelings or Stimulate One's Sexual Desires by using Rabbit Fur during sexual foreplay?” Well the short answer is - “it depends”; and the long answer is “Absolutely”!

Now, anthropologists know from their site excavations that civilizations around the globe have been using rabbit fur as part of their romantic, foreplay for centuries. The Mesopotamians, the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, the Mayans and just about every other advanced ancient civilization always considered rabbit fur precious as it was an integral part of their mating rituals. 

In 2011, 99% of the couples who were surveyed in Europe reported having achieved greater sexual results and more intense sexual interactions with their partners when they added rabbit fur to their sexual foreplay. However, like with most situations, there are always exceptions to every rule. 

Regrettably, people with overly sensitive skin such as red heads, light blonds and Albinos, as well as individuals who are prone to peanut, milk and shellfish allergies seldom report any significant benefits from including rabbit fur in their intimate encounters.  Many believe the tinsel strength of their hair follicle's are different; thus the feel little or no significant impact when they incorporate rabbit fur into sexual foreplay activities.

Now with that one caveat stated - rabbit fur does seem to heighten the sexual arousal and passionate feelings as well as prolong the gratification among most couples during their conjugal interludes. 

Here's what I know from first-hand knowledge. Remember this is not based on any scientific study.  However years ago when we first opened Ralph’s Ranch we had a small gift shop near the front gate (just off of Hwy F).  In this gift shop we sold a variety of rabbit products: primarily rabbit’s feet, rabbit jerky, rabbit fur lined gloves, rabbit fur boot liners, rabbit fur ear muffs, rabbit fur hats, rabbit fur hand muffs, rabbit fur collar extensions (which people loved because they cold easily be adjusted for just about any winter coat).  

Anyway Gladys who was our feed blender at that time, was from Austria. She convinced us to offer a fur lined personal foundation garments - for both men and women. The items she suggested were rabbit fur lined brassieres and panties for the women and jock strap type foundation garments for the men.  

We went ahead and took Gladys advice and developed an assortment of garments she said where always popular in Austria, Bavaria, Tryollia and the Czechoslovakian areas of Eurpose - all nears the Alps. The garments we designed were lined with ‘Grade IV’ rabbit fur. These foundation garments were sold as items outdoor enthusiasts and winter adventurers might enjoy to help keep them warm. You know people who skied cross county and down hill, as well as snowmobilers, hunters, hikers and ice fisherman, etc.

Our initial thought was these quality fur lined foundation garments would help protect and keep the erogenous zones of men and women warm and cozy while they were out of doors for extended periods of time during cold winter weather. 

Almost immediately, feedback began to pour in from those who bought and wore our fur lined foundation garments.  Some wore them for work like late shift police officers, linemen for utility companies etc. as well as those you just went out and played on the weekends in the snow.   Many I remember were initially embarrassed to share their feedback.  However almost everyone giving feedback noticed a significant surge in their amorous feelings after wearing our fur lined garments during the day.  Everyone wanted to know if it was the rabbit fur contact that heightened their sexual arousal and was it normal to have such overpowering primal urges after wearing rabbit fur foundation garments.

The feedback was so consistent - and evenly spit between men and women – we actually considered marketing our fur lined foundation garments nationally.  Barbra our office manager at the time contacted several big national retailers such as Macy’s, Adam & Eve, Victoria Secrets, Maidenform, Venus' Workshops, Cupids Corner and Wicked Temptations. Though there was considerable interest from all the outlet merchants we got nowhere because of PETA. PETA raised major objections with all the retailers and threatened to initiate boycotts with them thus their interest subsided.

Now I digressed - and I apologize - forgive me. The initial question was - “Can rabbit fur actually induce or heighten carnal delights”? Definitely! Rabbit fur is often thought by many to be a 'magic bullet' something that can re-ignite or re-kindle romantic flames and passions. 

Just a small swatch of Grade IV (by the way, for those of you not familiar with this term, Grade IV rabbit fut is the rabbit fur harvested from rabbits in late fall or mid-winter when the rabbit full is at its thickest and densest).  The reality many people encounter is that when rabbit fur is gently rubbed over their erogenous zones or their partner's erogenous zones (oh by the way human erogenous zones are those areas on the human anatomy that tend to ignite and perpetuate sexual arousal) it is the areas on our bodies that awakens our sensual arousal - almost to a point of where one becomes uncontrollable in their appetite for more.

For example, have you ever wondered why rabbit fur feels so luxurious to the touch or why it generates such great warmth when we wear it? It is because rabbit fur is one of the densest mammal furs on the planet. Unlike satin and lace which are both synthetic and lightweight and look very nice - rabbit fur has a feel similar to silk and the best part is it actually breathes.  Also rabbit fur unlike satin and lace rabbit fur is never affected by body heat or body moisture (such as perspiration) so it always says soft and luxurious to the touch and feel.

Any of you who studied history may recall that during the ancient Sanskrit era, it was the Hindus from India who began to identify and codify the seven principles of the art of the Karma Sutra (the seven ways to enhance sexual desires and ensure meaningful sexual pleasures). 
  No long after that - the ancient Greeks began to promulgate and encourage communal orgies - who many say were based entirely on the Karma Sutra principles. Ancient scripts written by both the Hindu and the Greeks detail the procedures for gently rubbing rabbit fur over a partner to unleash their conjugal hunger.

What it truly amazingly is that it doesn't take a lot of rabbit fur to arouse oneself or their partner; just a small rectangular swatch of rabbit fur approximately 6” x 9" can produce unbelievable carnal urges most people never dreamt of. 

A word of caution.  There is no doubt I am prejudice; but I can tell you wild rabbit fur will not work for sexual arousal for obvious reasons. The quality of any rabbit’s fur is directly linked to its daily diet. Wild rabbits forage on whatever edible food they can find in the wild; whereas domesticated or commercially raised rabbis - such as those we raise here at Ralph's rabbit ranch - are fed a consistent diet of good nutritious grains and other wholesome foods which results in all of them having a superior grade fur.

So the answer to the question for the bank tell from Ohio:  "Can rabbit fur really ignite sexual arousal and clear a path for greater personal contentment - The answer is an unconditional Yes - for most people!

Feel free to join us Ralph's Rabbit Ranch on face book at www.facebook.com/ralphsrabbitranch to learn about more rabbit legends and folklore. Better yet, link with us on ‘Linked In’ at www.linkedin.com/in/ralphsranch. 

If you have a questions about rabbits or rabbit fur send them to 

ralphsrabbitranch@gmail.com

As time permits we will get back to you. 

Epilogue:

Now for those of you wondering - remember it is always late December, the entire month of January and the first two weeks of February that we here at Ralph's Rabbit Ranch begin to harvest the winter rabbit fur.  Our rabbits are Wisconsin raised and that is the time of the year in the northern hemisphere when their fur is at its thickest. It is only during this time period that we feel comfortable to produce Grade IV rabbit fur swatches.


Be advised however that our rabbit fur swatches are always pre-ordered well in advance by couples interested in exploring rabbit fur sexual arousal. Though we actually produce over 14,000 personal swatches we are typically sold out of all our swatches by the first week of March of any given year. 

This is the Primary Reasons We Went Into the Rabbit Ranching Business

The Japanese Banker and Erotic Intercourse

A respected banker from southern Japan is arguing with his wife about he wants her to perform highly erotic sex.

The man: "Sukitaki. mojitaka!"

Wife replies: "Kowanini! mowi janakpa!"

The man now angry says: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"

Wife literally on her knees begging: "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!"

The man shouting: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!"

I can't believe you just sat there trying to read this – you don’t know Japanese.  Boy some people will read anything as long as it is about sex or politics.

Brass Monkeys and Cold Weather - an important lesson from Ralph's Rabbit Ranch

Like most people you might think the old expression 'Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey' is an inappropriate term and somewhat of an color expression which should never be said in mixed company.  Well after reading this article you will learn this term can definitely be said anywhere - anytime - without offending anyone. This term really does have a significant historical meaning which is based on scientific principles.

It seems during the heydays of sailing ships, many vessels including freighters and trawlers had huge iron cannons mounted on their decks. 

The cannons were necessary to provide protection should a hostile or enemy vessel try to attack.  Remember Pirates also roamed the high seas back them.  Anyway those iron cannons fired 'large round' iron cannon balls and it was necessary for each ship to keep a good supply of cannon balls near each cannon.

The problem most ships faced was that those sailing ships always pitched and yawed when across the waves.  They needed some way to prevent the supply of round cannon balls from rolling around the rocking decks? The solution sea captains devised was simple and effective. 

They would stack the round cannon balls in a square-based pyramid - with one ball on top of another.  The balls were placed sixteen on the bottom, followed by nine laid on top and then and four would rest on the nine.  With one final ball on top.

Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked and secured in a small area right there on the ship's deck next to each cannon.

There was however only one problem with this ingenious method of stacking cannon balls.  How could the ship's crew prevent the bottom layer of cannon balls from rolling about from under the other cannon balls during rough seas?

The solution that seemed to work was the invention of a flat metal plate called a 'Monkey'. The monkey - and it took four monkeys total - were screwed to the ship's wooden deck. Each monkey had round indentations hammered into them. These indentations in the metal where were the bottoms of 16 'round cannon balls' rested in.

Initially all Monkeys or metal plates were made of cheap iron. However it soon became obvious that the iron cannons balls resting on iron plates began to rust due to all that salt water spray and mist in the air. So to prevent the cannon balls and monkeys from rusting naval engineers began to develop Monkeys made of bass - as brass is one of the few inexpensive metals that does not rust.  Thus the term Brass Monkey was coined.

Unfortunately, brass itself is not a perfect metal; it tends to expand and contract with the weather. Consequently, when the wind temperatures on a ship sailing in the north Atlantic or Pacific dropped to around 32 degrees the indentations in the brass monkeys would shrink or pop up thus the iron cannonballs on the bottom tier had no secure resting place and they would often roll right off the brass monkeys causing a disaster of cannon balls rolling around the deck. 

Sailors quickly saw for themselves the limitations Brass Monkeys had and any sailor worth his salt knew that whenever the outside temperature began to fall to around freezing it was literally 'Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey'.  

Hope you enjoyed this brief and relevant history lesson.

Remember - here at Ralph's Rabbit Ranch - Home of Gabe's Gourmet Rabbits - we not only sell great tasting rabbit meat and quality fur products we also provide valuable information and knowledge you can use. 

The Joy of Cooking Rabbits

Each month the ranch receives a variety of questions, mostly from Face Book and Linked In friends; people wanting to know more about rabbits. Regardless of the type inquiries received we try to take time to answer them all. Recently, Teri Nowak, a good friend of Ralph’s Rabbit Ranch suggested we share some of the questions we have received along with our replies as she believes others might find the dialogue useful. 

 

Well with that said here is a question we received regarding cooking of rabbits. Take a moment to read this post and share your feedback; we would like to know if sharing questions is worth the time and effort.

Inquiry we received:

“Ralph I have two questions. What is the easiest way to cook rabbit and what is the correct number of rabbits one should serve for a dinner party of eight (8)?” Melinda – Joplin, MO

Our reply:
Dear Melinda, It’s important you not think of rabbit as ground beef, chicken or pork. Rabbit is not meant to be a meal staple; rabbit should be considered a special entrée for important events - similar to how a “bone in ham” is a special entrée for Easter, a turkey is a special for Thanksgiving and a lobster a special for New Year's Eve. Rabbit is a meal that should be enjoyed and treasured not just consumed.

How to portion meat rabbit? Our recommendation is one rabbit for every two adults. If you are planning a dinner for 8 adults we suggest 4 good sized rabbits. Be aware there is a significant difference between domestic rabbits (those raised commercially) and those harvested in the wild. Wild rabbits seldom grow as big as commercial rabbits and they never contain as much meat per bone.

If this meal you are planning is for a special occasion by all means go with commercially raised rabbits like those we raise here at Ralph's Rabbit Ranch - Home of Gabe's Gourmet Rabbits. Commercially raised rabbits are easy to purchase. You can find them at local organic farmers, full service butcher shops, established meat lockers as well as a high-end retail grocery chains. 

The reason we suggest serving commercially raised rabbits is that the meat will not only be much tenderer - but it will also be more savory. Wild rabbits seldom enjoy consistency in their diets – they eat whatever they can find; where as commercially raised rabbits are fed a regulated quality feed. Here at our ranch our feed is unique proprietary blend of high protein corn, oats and barley coalesced with fresh IPA (Indian Pale Ale) beer to add nutrients and a tangy hop flavor the rabbits enjoy.

Now in regards to your first question, there are really only four basic ways to prepare rabbit: 1) Roasted 2) Braised, 3) Fried and 4) Slow Cooked. Either method will produce a succulent meal; however if you are a novice rabbit chef - someone preparing rabbit for the first time then our recommendation is to slow cook or crock pot your rabbit. A slow cooker will allow you to create an easy yet delightful meal.

We would caution you about braising rabbits for a dinner party - braised rabbit meat should be limited to couples dining for two important reasons. First, braised rabbits tend to cook at different rates; the last thing you want is some meat overcooked while other meat is under cooked. Even more important we’re sure you are aware of the folklore surrounding the aphrodisiac effects of rabbit meat. This aphrodisiac effect only occurs when rabbits are braised. 

I am not a Chef or chemist but experts say braising accelerates the production of amino acids in rabbit meat. The amino acids in rabbit are identical to the amino acids found in oysters and chocolate. Consequently consuming braised rabbit often heightens romantic thoughts, lowers inhibitions and intensifies amorous inclinations. So never serve rabbit for guests you don’t know.

Hope this helps.

Ralph's Rabbit Ranch - Home of Gabe's Gourmet Rabbits

Interesting Pun Humor - but only for the educated

A County Deputy cited a dog for giving birth to puppies near County Hwy 12 for littering.